Naomi Reiter: Real Housewives of New York City Alums Challenge Parenting Status Quo

Don't even pretend you don't have guilty pleasures. We all do--it's cool. One of mine is the Real Housewives franchise. It's decadent, if not naughty, and so it surprises me that Real Housewives of New York City (RHNYC) alums and hubbies Alex McCord and Australian-born Simon van Kempen--married nine years--have been selected in the midst of a deal-killing recession to write a book about parenting.

The duo has been panned on RHNYC for their laissez-faire parenting style and want viewers to know that editing has a lot to do with that perception.

"People tend to think that what they see on the show is the whole story. It isn't," says McCord, a Washington, D.C. native raised in Texas, Kansas and the Virgin Islands, who has been a New Yorker since 1996. "Children this young change their behavior in a nanosecond, and you can't blame the producers for wanting to include the most dramatic moments."

Good TV

"Cute kids behaving beautifully doesn't make must-see TV as much as three-year-old François shouting in Ramona's face at 10 p.m. does, which happened at the end of one night in 2007 at a party we did not want to take him to, two hours after we were supposed to leave," she says.

So what's the scoop on raising young kids on TV? "We experienced a big learning curve in handling the kids while filming," shares McCord. "The biggest thing to note is that handling children while filming is different than handling them in real life. We had to learn how to do that effectively and it's an ongoing process."

These insights and more will soon be available in McCord and van Kempen's as-yet-untitled parenting book, subtitled: Tales from a Real House in New York City. It will be published in January by Sterling & Ross.

"Our book is about the experience of being parents," says McCord. "We chronicle life with young children in the city, the good, the bad and the ugly, and the life lessons learned. The book is written with a He Said / She Said perspective, as Simon and I don't always agree on any given situation."

Is it strictly for urban parents? "A crazy kid in a restaurant could be in Brooklyn, Kansas City or a diner in a small town," she says.

Pick Your Battles

"Parental extremes are not good," says McCord. "Find a balance that works for you between helicoptering and being oblivious. Maintain a consistent front with your spouse. You and your partner may not agree on a particular issue but stay united or the kids will try to play one parent off the other."

So why Brooklyn versus Manhattan? "Brooklyn is more homey, in my opinion," says McCord. "It's a very diverse area, and no two neighborhoods are exactly alike. It's an area with townhouses, great schools and many, many privately owned businesses. It's an area where mom & pop restaurants and boutiques, etc., thrive and where you really can live like a 1950's housewife.

"We get our meat from a butcher, our seafood from a fishmonger, there's a cheese shop and several produce markets where the offerings are local to N.Y. State and environs.

"We have a choice of four different childrens' parks within a three-year-old's walking distance, and the neighborhood is filled with young families. It's a walking culture so everyone sees one another almost every day. In a way, we live in a small town surrounded by a huge metropolis."

Local Travel

"Take the subway to the Bronx Zoo, or the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, or Central Park. Spend a weekend day on Staten Island. Go to an area of the city you've never been before with the kids, and see their eyes open wide," advises McCord.

"It's imperative that kids have the opportunity to climb trees, pick apples and see the world outside the city. Many of these things can be had easily with a short drive or train ride to Long Island, upstate N.Y. or any of the nearby states." (McCord recommends City Weekends, a book by fellow Brooklyn mom Alison Lowenstein, as a resource.)

"[The boys] have participated in youth programming with the Metropolitan Opera Guild," she says of the opportunities NYC has offered her children.

"Both boys benefit from the access their teachers have to experts in any given field. François (5 ½) was able to--in kindergarten--take a documentary film elective from filmmaker parents, and Johan (3 ½)--in preschool--was able to create amazing artwork with an artist in residence, which was professionally mounted and able to be hung in the house.

"They've had circus classes with professional clowns who live here when they're not on tour, and where else can you walk out of your house and see the artists and musicians who perform on Noggin and Playhouse Disney buying dinner in the butcher shop?

"Many of those people live in our neighborhood and I loved seeing François recognize performers like Dan Zanes or David Weinstone, (Music for Aardvarks) approach, and compliment them on their work. There's an edgy energy that NYC kids grow up with, an appreciation that anything is possible."

Is Everything Too Much?

"[As long as] they are continually exposed to non-city life, then there is no real downside," McCord says of city life. "We strive as much as possible to give them contrasting experiences.

"In the city they have the 'roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd' and it's important to get them out of the city so they can hear the 'cacophony of the country and the smell of it too!'"

What about having your kids on TV? "It's very difficult to film scenes with young children as they are too young to appreciate the 'hurry up and wait' aspect of production, the do-overs and the drawn out unreality that goes along with trying to capture reality," reasons McCord.

"We learned quite a lot from the experience of filming season one, and in season two made a huge effort to only involve the children when they could participate in the scenes versus being asked to sit quietly and exist as 'family props.'

"There was a lot of that in season one, and the kids acted up accordingly. This season, the one time we had the kids on and didn't pay much attention to them (shopping at Zarin Fabrics) they acted up again. Lesson learned: if they are on camera, we interact with them. They are just too young to sit or stand quietly if they aren't doing something specific."

So has there been an upside to the kids being on TV? McCord thinks so. "They have an appreciation for work," she says. "They are very aware that doing the show is a job and that the crew are all working. They have seen some of the footage from season one and François was able to recognize that his behavior as shown at the dinner party was terrible."

Sounds like this book could evolve into a franchise or series. "It's too early to tell," says McCord. "There has been quite a bit of interest in us doing a relationship book, which we are considering. Let's do one book at a time and see how it goes!"

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